Thursday, November 29, 2012

The Haters And Notre Dame

Thanks to my old friend Nolan's suggestion, here's a link to Drew Magary's Hater's Guide to Notre Dame, which features a tremendous flow of bile directed at Our Lady's University.  He goes through the A to Z reasons to hate the Irish.  These are some of my favorites:
Catholicism: No football program wears its religion on its sleeve more than Notre Dame. Even BYU isn't obnoxious enough to have Jesus overlooking the end zone. It's that kind of "we're more special than you" attitude that makes me hope that Satan will one day crawl out of the Earth's mantle and raze the entire Notre Dame campus with a single crack of his fire lash.
Davie, Bob: The worst thing about Bob Davie is the fact that shitting the bed for five years at Notre Dame was apparently enough of a resume for ESPN to hire him to work horrible second-tier Saturday afternoon games for a full decade afterwards. If you were watching Purdue vs. Indiana, you didn't need a graphic to let you know that you were in for three hours of Pam Ward and Bob Davie. Listening to Bob Davie is like listening to a running vacuum.
End Zones: Paint your goddamn name in the end zones already. You look like you're playing on a middle school field with those stupid lines. You're a multimillion-dollar football industry. You're not fooling me into believing you're some simple country program just by skimping on end zone paint. YOUR HELMETS ARE MADE OF GOLD, DICKBAGS.
There are a bunch of other classics, including a great blast at Dr. Lou.  I have to admit that when I went to college, I was a huge Notre Dame fan, and I really hated Ohio State.  By my third year there, I couldn't stand Irish fans, and to be out-of-step, I rooted for Ohio State.  Once I got back to Ohio, I was able to remember why I hated Ohio State, and slowly was able to cheer somewhat for Notre Dame.  I'm not sure if that is some form of contrarianism, or if, like my former coworkers thought, I'm just more motivated by hating things than liking them. 

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